*
Only available on the <random >Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thor's Day
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Wertlemas
X-mas
Fool's Easter
Uday
the first day of the rest of your life
a new beginning for us all
Xerxes' Artichoke
the day when the shark is truly jumped
X-Day
Kardashev's Reckoning
der Keuschheitsgürtel
der Hodensack
der Drecksack
the Portuguese Dilemma
Schrodinger's greatest failure
The Gravimetric Shoe
Wilford Brimley's annual square dance shuffle reconnaissance and BBQ 
the day when KFC brings back Hot'n'Spicy™
not worth getting all huffy over
an inevitable consequence of all of the days before. Even if backwards-time travel is possible, the nature of causality will mean that the present is maintained, preventing any mind-blowing contradictions or paradoxes from manifesting (if we take a causality loop to be non-paradoxical). Hence, today is, as it forever will be
to be taken with a tall glass of water three times a day, but not if a solar eclipse is in progress - on any planet in the Solar System (including dwarf planets). This definition includes solar transits by planets, dwarf planets, moons and planetisemals - but only from the perspective of a planet or orbital spacedock. Hence, it is OK to take today as prescribed during a lunar eclipse. In fact, on these occasions, a 3x multiplier is applied to the dosage. As always, if pain persists, please see a doktor, or look up/write the relevant literature here. Ignore all of the above if the date is similar to, or is any permutation of
the day when your colon is impacted.
</random> of the Slovenian Equinox in the tenth month of <random >2012
20X6
1925
1Q2N
40000
Year of the Broken Clocks
Hyperdecade 14
Hyperdecade 8
1998
1999
Year of the Worm
20X7
20XX
XX2012
The Year That Never Ended
Stasis
Pod Time
Apple Time
Stardate 2012</random>.
And you must be able to balance a motorcycle on your nose.
