Australian
Contents |
Definition
Australian: One who eats sweets from New Zealand, knows of a cliche figure of sporting history and constantly sings mediocre songs from at least 100 years ago.
Examples in Modern Media
Comparison with Asian people
Recently Today Tonight conducted some informative journalism, concluding that only Caucasian people are Australian. The segment was unfortunately not placed on their website after its broadcast, or at least wasn't there when I searched for it but an analysis can be found here at mediawatch
The report confirmed the three arbitrary pillars of being Australian as:
*Knowing who Donald Bradman was *Knowing what pavlova is (whilst simulataneously remaining ignorant of its pacific origins) *Knowing the incredibly catchy tune of Waltzing Matilda
Un-aired footage of the report shows that the following are not prerequisites for living in Australia
*Knowledge of the geography of Australia *Knowledge of current Australian actors and cultural works
The report did not mention but hinted strongly at the existence of two more prerequisites. The fourth and fifth implied prerequisites for being Australian are:
*Being white *Being Racist
This fourth pillar is shown to be the most important when the report chooses not to apply the same standard of journalistic inquiry to the white immigrants of Europe and New Zealand. Most would no doubt have little knowledge of Donald Bradman, waltzing matilda or Pavlova (save for the kiwis that invented it)
