Chritianity

Chritianity is both new and improved - simultaneously traditional and radical, a result of its formation during the 'Murder Hyper-decade' of the Future Wars.

The central tenets of Chritianity are borrowed from ancient texts written in mountain ranges across several planets in the Orion Arm of the Milky Way Galaxy.

• Time Control

• Crom worship

• Unreasonable behaviour

• Making non-Chritians as uncomfortable as possible

• Militant hypocritical atheism (or not hypocritical, as long as the more mystical tenets are carried out hypocritically)

Chritianity is not an exclusive system - in fact, Chritians are encouraged to hold as many simultaneously contradictory beliefs as possible, including those belonging to other cults.

Selected beliefs of Chritians

• Jesus is simultaneously alive, dead, the son of God and a part of God.
• The world was created in seven minutes. God rested on the seventh minute, leading Man to kill him for his laziness and take his place. The men who killed him were Chritians from the future who believed that God was not following God's word and chose to end his life for the greater good of Chritianity.
• The world is only 10,000 minutes old (approx. 7 days). God placed all of your memories in your mind to confuse you, this also means Charles Manson is not a criminal as his crimes are a figment of your imagination, as is World War 2, the Great Depression and other pre-10k cases of The Mondays. Some Chritians argue that this is made possible by the same process that causes a hyper-decade. Others think that the whole thing is a rather crass attempt by God to push his brand of historical fan-fiction on to the population.
• We were created more or less in God's image, meaning God is of only average sexual attraction.
• God is Omnipotent and Omniscient but still decides to intervene from time to time. Perhaps he's more Omniscient than he was last week?
• God created science to test our ability to believe groundless diatribes and ignore reasonable evidence such as geology, physics, biology and other forms of satan worship.
• God will forgive us our scientific blasphemies if we use them against other religions, but each time we do he kills a puppy.
• God is an atheist.
• The Universe is a sub-quantum component of an atom on a dog's anus.
• Condoms have a 110% failure rate. Also the usage of condoms leads to cancer and free thought.
• Knowing that a CPU is made of transistors, stating this publicly allows the user to win any argument regardless of logical deduction.

Chritians

1. Tristan Miller
2. Blokey357
3. Dr Boy