Interbutts Dialects
The Interbutts is a wide and sprawling terrain, comprising of many million square e-miles of broken links, pornography and elaborate justifications for a staggering variety of illegal sexual fetishes. Hundreds, literally hundreds, of people crawl across this inhuman wreckage every week, plying their trades and helping to make the internet the fascinating place that it is. From the towering and teetering self-satisfied heights of Wikipedia to the fetid and moist depths of 12chan, and everything in between, many different e-peoples have formed into fanatical e-tribes who defend their Internets real e-state with their lives. Given their rabid defense of their territories and their fierce feudal social structures based on how many no-content posts they can slam onto a forum in any given ten minutes, it is not surprising that they have variated enough from the alpha-nerds who first stumbled onto the Interbutts in the mid nineties to have developed their own customs and ways of communicating.
Presented for you here for the first time is a handy field guide to Internet dialects and the stupid jerks who use them. Each dialect has been described as it has been discovered, and has been rated on the Kronz-Friedmann Sliding Scale for ease of communication, range of expression and sheer stupidity. New dialects should be added in later additions by the people who encounter new tribes of idiots in this wonderful, wide world of Interbutts.
Leet-Speak
LEET, short for "Elite", is a way of writing that substitutes numbers for certain letters and intentionally mispells certain words in such a way as to make what the person is saying impossible to understand. As an Leet-Speak interbuttz felon is drawn deeper and deeper into the 'butts, he will substitute more characters for more letters, and soon be capable of producing nothing but an unrecognisable stream of gibberish that could easily be mistaken for someone headbutting a keyboard sixteen times were it not for the creepy sense of some elaborate but impossible-to-detect order lurking somewhere behind the inanity. Usually Leet-speak is an insipid waste of everyone's time, but once it has progressed to this point it neatly seals off everything the interbuttz jerkwad says in a huge bubble of nobody gives a shit. Your brain, not interested enough in what these people are saying at the best of times, will simply ignore Leet-speak past a certain point.
This dialect is mostly used by Gamer Kidz, who use this "language" to discuss Warez and also to share information about how many killz they have racked up in multiplayer and also hacks. As they grow older they branch into arguing with people who own game consoles that they do not like for some reason. Because use of this dialect eventually cripples the speech centre of the brain, most of these idiots are forced out of society at large well before their thirtieth year. They will spend the rest of their lives drawing a government pension, obsessively playing ten-year-old shooting games and stuffing their faces with Cheetos before diabetes claims them at the age of 41.
On the Kronz-Friedmann Sliding Scale, this dialect has been rated RETARDED.
