Kill time

KILL time!

While I generally do not advocate murder, I am all for murdering some inanimate things and concepts.

Time is one of them. Smart people, and people who wish to sound like they are smart, can always be heard saying things like, 'Hnyyyesss, time doesn't exist. Mwa. Haha.' Smarter people and people who want to sound smarter will always say, 'But what of CAUSALITY?'. Even smarter people know what the concept of causality means, and can even discuss time travel, with such long words inserted as paradoxically and causality loop and Einstein. No person alive actually understands the underlying principles behind time and indeed, what it is made of or how many dimensions it squats in. Following the usual human reaction to things beyond comprehension, I propose that we destroy, crush, or completely maim time in some satisfactory way. Why should we accept it if we don't get it?

Contents 1 PART ONE 2 STAGE TWO 3 PHASE THREE 4 Ceremonies of time-killing which have occurred

PART ONE

Where to begin? I believe undermining this concept of time must begin with a campaign of mass confusion/awakening. It should be pointed out to everybody that their lives run to a more or less arbitrary beat, devised by alien overlords with twelve fingers and sixty toes. Introduce your own time-system. Popular choices are Metric Time and Galactic Time, and others that make use of some constant and reliable basic unit, like the fundamental transition time between spin states of a hydrogen atom, or the turn of the Earth on its axis. Others are completely off the wall! These have variable units of time, usually based on loose hunches.

Warning: to successfully employ your time system, you must get out of the habit of 'converting' to the 'old way'. For instance you may jokingly say it's '5 gigaBloxits since the dawn of the Universe', but in your heart you are thinking '9:50am'...you must FEEL your time system, and don't bother converting for other people - sure, explain how it works, even hand out a leaflet, but you must REFUSE to work on any other system but your own. The more convoluted and arbitrary the better, as you already know that time is a myth...

Hopefully this will break the shackles of JulianGregorian time, which as I've said was devised by Satanspawn from another galaxy.

STAGE TWO

Brandish nostalgia like a burning torch of liberty! Drag your past into your now! Drag your future into your now! Make the march of this so-called 'time' irrelevant! Revive old friendships, even treacherous ones,even the ones you hate, even DEAD ONES; open new and old wounds and revisit stony grounds you used to know...

The unready will tell you that you are being a sad git, but don't let them bring you down...you KNOW what you are doing is breaking the very foundations of temporal sense - exposing the TIME LIE that Relativity has pointed at. The people who doubt you are bound by the rules of their TIME WORSHIP and cannot possibly understand.

PHASE THREE

Find others who have created time holes around themselves. Gather and concoct legitimate theories under which things can generally be explained without reference to time. Spread these theories and leave no safe haven for concepts relating to TIME. Then and only then will the last straw land on the temporal back and the whole freakin thing will collapse like a house of CARDS...watch from a safe distance.

There is just one of many possible strategies for dealing with this time problem. Hopefully you can find a process that works for you.

Who

Ceremonies of time-killing which have occurred

Leo Auri & Tristan Miller attempted to bring down time in an involved and drawn out ceremony during Tristanfest 2006 '99.