User:Gilganixon

I trip through the dawn of time over and over again. I was born a mutant, a hundred thousand feet tall. I defy science and law and roam the earth, treading underfoot civilisation after civilisation and drinking the blood of millions. I shoot fire from my eyes and piss nuclear waste, and when I break wind I smash the walls of space and time to poison billions throughout the aeons. Steel cannot stop me, or bullets or blades: I die and come again and again JUST TO SHOW YOU THAT I CANNOT BE KILLED. I died twice writing this and rose again to finish it. I melted three hundred computers with my mind and I screwed your girlfriend WITH MY FACE. And did you stop me? NO. YOU WORSHIP ME AS A GOD.

I cannot be stopped. I cannot be killed. The worst thing that ever happened is nothing compared to me. I was shot by a tank and shat blood for a week, but as soon as I was done wiping my arse I punched the gunner to the FUCKING MOON. I spit teeth like a machine gun and grow them back again just in time to come back and bite YOU in the arse. I go to the end of time like you go to the shops, and come back with the bacon. END OF TIME BACON. It's better than regular bacon.

I never lie. When I open my mouth, the universe rearranges itself just so I don't get pissed off at it and rip a hole through it like last time. I am made of epic, I am every hero and villain in history. I am an arch-fiend, an uber-beast, the over-man and under-man and in-between-man. I scream lightning, Crom worships me, the Road God rises to meet my step. When I walk into the ocean the tides pull out just so the Sea God doesn't have to fight me.

More epic than Gilgamesh, more of a bastard than Richard M. Nixon. I am the future of the human race. I am Gilganixon, the unkillable, the unstoppable, the inevitable.

• See also: Gilganism